My Heart Attack

     I wrote this back in March of this year not long after the event described.  I am just now getting around to posting it to my blog.  My prayer is that my experience might provide some measure of comfort to those who have lost loved ones who were believers.  Every time I read this I am overwhelmed by the power and goodness of our Lord.  Be blessed as well as you read.

MY HEART ATTACK

Four weeks ago tomorrow I had a heart attack.  At least I’m pretty sure I did. 

I want to get this narrative on record because I believe it glorifies God in a mighty way.  And isn’t that our purpose – to glorify God in all we do?  And to find maximum joy in doing so?  Also, I feel that thinking through what happened a few weeks after the event gives me a bit of a perspective that I might not have had immediately afterwards.  Anyway, if no one else ever reads this, at least my aim is worthy.

It was about 7:30 a.m. and I had just completed my daily devotion time with the Lord.  True to my routine I headed up the stairs from my study to get the newspaper.  About 5 steps into the kitchen I got hit by a Mack truck.  That’s what it felt like anyway.  The pain in the left side of my chest was the kind that literally takes away your breath and any ability to do anything else.  Instantly an equally intense pain radiated upward into my shoulder and a little bit into my neck.  This also radiated down my left arm to the elbow.  Now I know it’s hard to describe pain to someone else but this was a tail-kicker, a mind numbing, deadly feeling pain.  The kind that leaves you certain that something really bad is happening.  Heartburn and muscle spasms don’t feel like this; I know because those two maladies are no strangers to me. 

Surprisingly I did not lose consciousness or fall to the floor.  Grabbing my chest I knew that sitting down would be a great idea.  After all, falling and busting open my head would probably not be a good thing to do right now.  Before I managed to inch into a chair though, something incredible happened (and it is right now that the story gets strange.)  In the course of about 10 or 15 seconds I had an incredible conversation in my head with Jesus.  It went something like this.

“I am dying.”

“Lord, are you taking me home now?”

“If You are, it’s ok.  I’m ready.”

“As a matter of fact, Lord, I kind of hope You are, because I’ve been wanting to see You for a long time.”

That was it; and that little one sided talk was over in seconds.  But, to this day, I remember it just as clearly as if I was having those thoughts right now.  Now, Jesus didn’t answer me, verbally anyway.  The ‘conversation’ though was not the really incredible part of the whole experience.  This is the hardest part to describe.  It was the spiritual and emotional feeling that overcame me within about 2 seconds of realizing that I was dying.

The best way to describe it is to put these feelings into biblical terms.  In 1 Corinthians 15:55 it is written, “O death, where is your victory?  O death, where is your sting?”  Additionally, in 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul wrote, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”  Finally, and perhaps most pertinent, in Philippians 4:7, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

You see, in those first few seconds I was convinced beyond any shadow of a doubt that I was dying; that I was about to meet my Maker.  Incredibly, I felt absolutely no fear of death.  There was, along with this fearlessness, an indescribable blanket of peace that enveloped me.  I don’t believe that I have ever experienced such a depth of calm and peace.  The best analogy I can think of is that feeling you got when you were a child and Mom or Dad wrapped their arms around you to comfort you from some upset or hurt.  But much, much better than that.

Now comes the part that convinced me that the source of these experiences was supernatural.  Remember, at this point I was convinced that any second I was going to step into the next life; there was no doubt in my mind that death was here.  On top of the complete lack of fear and the peace that passed all understanding, I felt joy.  Yes, joy; unbridled, limitless joy.  Not the kind that comes on Christmas morning.  Not even the kind that is common on one’s wedding day or birth of a child.  This was a joy that that found its source in and was focused on one, and only one, thing: Jesus.  The excitement of being in the presence of my Savior – spiritually now, but physically in just a moment, I thought – was literally indescribable.  It was, for lack of a better word, perfect.  And I guess that is logical, since everything about God is perfect.

Analysis later; for now, let me complete the story.

After this amazing 15 seconds I started to think that maybe death wasn’t to be immediate.  Thinking this through now it seems pretty stupid what I did next.  I had sat down sometime during this whole thing.  Karen was still in bed and I didn’t want to wake her unless I had a real good reason (!!!).  So, I whipped out my smart phone and searched for heart attack symptoms.  (By this time the pain had receded a bit – enough that I could think about the situation.)  Sure enough, on the Mayo Clinic website my symptoms were pretty closely described.  It said two other things that kind of got me moving: 1) call 911, and 2) eat an aspirin.  Stupid me, it finally hit me that medical attention might be a good idea.  Wait! I’m married to a registered nurse!  I’ll go tell Karen what is happening.  (Luckily, I had just heard her start to stir.)  It doesn’t take a genius to figure how she reacted.  Calmly and professionally, she said, “We’re going to the emergency room.”

Now I’ll speed this tale along a bit quicker.  We went to Wellstar Kennestone Hospital, they took me right in, and kept me until Sunday evening.  On arrival I was starting to feel pretty good: pain was just about gone, replaced with some pressure and discomfort, but I felt all was going to be well.  Throughout the weekend, the fearlessness, peace and joy did not leave me.  If anything, it deepened.

In the hospital, they did every kind of test you can imagine.  I won’t bore my reader with the details.  The end result of every test was that I did not have a heart attack.  Further, every test indicated a totally normal and healthy heart.  I felt so good that I made Karen stop at Longhorn Steakhouse on the way home.  (Hospital food, you know.)

Discharge orders said that I had to schedule a follow up with my primary care doctor.  I went to see her two days later.  After studying the hospital records, examining me in detail, and asking a battery of questions, she, too, offered the same diagnosis as the hospital: no heart attack, but a perfectly healthy heart.  However, my doctor is a firm believer in Jesus Christ and she had a caveat to the official scientific analysis.

Before I share that, let me interject something here.  After coming home from the hospital and before seeing my personal doctor, I called my dear friend Pastor Carnell Thomas of Faithful Friend Church of Vine City, one of the most spiritual people I’ve ever known.  After hearing my tale, he offered this bit of diagnosis: “Russ, I believe you were having a heart attack but God stepped in, stopped it, and healed whatever was wrong with your heart.”  Agreeing that this sounded like a real possibility, I rested in that.

Now back to my doctor’s office.  After her scientific analysis, I mentioned, almost as an aside, what Carnell had said.  She stopped writing, laid down her pen, looked me straight in the eye and said, “I believe that might be what happened as well.”  Wow!  Ever the scientist, though, she still referred me to a cardiologist for further discussion.  But I don’t mind telling you that her and I had us a little bit of worship right there in her examining room.

She referred me to a specific doctor in a heart specialist right here in town.  When I called, he wasn’t available for weeks, but his partner was, so I scheduled with him.  Sitting before him, I toned down the whole spiritual aspect of the experience just a bit, and explained what happened.  He examined me, doing another EKG, closely reviewed my hospital records and medical history, and then I told him of my lack of fear and panic during the ‘attack’ because I felt that God had it all in hand.  He looked me dead in the eye and proclaimed that he too is a Christian.  I then shared the whole spiritual side of the incident.  His final diagnosis was an echo of the others.  No signs of a heart attack were indicated and my heart appeared to be perfectly healthy and normal.  I pressed him on this, relating my long history of smoking and other bad habits, high blood pressure and cholesterol, lack of exercise, carrying around too much weight, etc.  And I asked him, “Doc, are you telling me that, even considering all of that, my heart is perfectly normal?”  Unequivocally he indicated in the affirmative.  And then he really blew my mind, saying, “I believe that you were having a heart attack, God stepped in, stopped it, and healed your heart.”  Sound familiar?  Then he added, “It may be that God brought you through this experience to strengthen your faith in preparation for something He has planned for you.”  Double wow!!

Now, I’ve been wondering for 4 weeks about this.  A hospital full of heart docs and techs, my personal doctor, and a cardiologist I’ve never met, all say the same thing: my heart is perfect!  And what are the chances of two doctors in a row being devout fellow believers!?  And both of them echoing what a trusted pastor friend offered as explanation?  Another thing: all were in agreement that it sure sounded like I had had a heart attack.  Classic symptoms; other causes were ruled out: gastrointestinal problems, heart spasms, chest muscle spasms, etc.  There is no other explanation.  As I left the cardiologist, he said not to bother coming back unless something else occurred – I do not need a heart doctor.

As of this moment I cannot swear that what happened to me was in fact a heart attack, though I am pretty certain that it was.  What I can attest to, however, is the power and love of God.  Why He may have brought me through this will probably be unknown to me until I do cross over to glory.  But this I do know: in the face of what, at the moment, felt like certain death, my spirit experienced such an intense covering of fearlessness, peace, calm, and joy, which cannot be explained in any other way but supernaturally.  Is it normal to feel this way when facing sure death?  Would joy be a standard and expected feeling when knowing your life was at its end?  How could there possibly be such an absence of fear when facing the unknown (or so we often describe it)?  I’m not a psychologist but I am a pretty educated man, not normally given to fits of charismatic excess.  After four weeks of analysis, comparing what my Bible teaches about death, and experiencing a dramatically improved walk with the Lord in my quiet times and daily life, I can only come to one conclusion: whether I was actually dying or not, the Lord revealed to me one dramatic, indelible, and magnificent fact: a child of the living God has nothing to fear from death. 

Since the ‘heart attack’, I have heard similar stories.  I am not the only Christian who has been touched by God during a ‘dying’ experience.  It also struck me that many of the stories of Christian martyrs relate their seeming immunity to pain during the flames of the stake, or whatever means of execution they endured.  Without exception almost, the martyrs’ stories portray a boldness, peace, and fearlessness that can only be found in an intimate relationship with the living, loving, perfect God of the universe.  Knowing Christ as Savior and Lord, it seems, does make one a partaker in the biblical declaration, “O death, where is your victory, O death where is your sting?”  For, on that Saturday morning four weeks ago, I looked death in the face and saw my Lord.  Nothing else in existence can ever equal that.

Dodging the Demonic Bullet Part II

After reading over my first post about this topic it was clear that I needed to expound upon a few things just a little bit more.  I haven't bothered to really organize my thoughts much.  I'll just ruminate as the spirit carries me, so to speak.

The first misconception that needs to be rectified is the old mistake of 'seeing a demon behind every bush.'  This is a phrase that preachers use a lot as a warning.  It means that not everything in this world that goes wrong or is evil is instigated by demonic forces.  Sometimes we screw things up ourselves badly enough without any help from the devil and his imps.  And many times the things that we see as bad in the world are nothing more than manifestations of sin's effects upon creation.  More on that another time.  Finally, some events that we see as bad from our perspective are not that at all.  God will at times allow events to occur that He intends for good, and that are, in the big scheme of things, according to His plan.  That, too, involves some pretty detailed theological explanation to understand.  Suffice it to say this: sometimes bad things are incited by demonic forces and sometimes they are not.

A minor point needs to be clarified here.  Rarely does Satan himself ever attack someone or control events.  He is not omnipotent, omniscient, or omnipresent.  Only God is that.  Satan is a single spiritual entity, created by God, and limited by his created nature.  However, he is much more powerful than we are.  The Bible gives pretty clear information about the nature of Satan's kingdom.  For one thing, we know that he has an army of evil demons at his command and they have divisions of authority, such as over geographical areas or particular sins (lust, greed, bitterness, etc.)  The goal of this evil empire is to stifle, and destroy if possible, the works of God and the church.  Additionally, the demons seek to destroy as many human lives as possible before they get an opportunity to meet Christ.

Another important point is that demons cannot possess or involuntarily control a true believer in Christ.  They can influence a Christian to ungodly behavior only if the believer permits.  Demonic possession of nonbelievers is possible.  There is little doubt that Satan's forces can and do influence people in varying degrees.  But actual demon possession?  Unfortunately, it is real; fortunately it is rare.  The Bible teaches very clearly that anyone who is not a follower of the living God is already owned and controlled by Satan, so, in that sense, all unsaved people are possessions of the devil.  The good news for the Christian is that demons cannot force you to do anything you don't allow.  See Dodging the Demonic Bullet Part I for verses about spiritual warfare.

All of that is very interesting but the crux of this essay is to try and clarify for us those times when we are experiencing actual spiritual attack.  A thorough treatment of the subject is way beyond the parameters of this work and there are many good books that address the matter in much more detail.  I will only try to offer some general guidelines, based on Scripture and my own personal experiences, that may help throw up the red flag if you encounter similar circumstances.  I will list off some broad points, in no particular order, that may help.

1.  If you have recently made a spiritual decision in favor of the things of God, and then soon after, start having a greater than normal level of troubles, that is a very good sign that your trials and tribulations may be instigated by dark forces.  Not a guarantee, but be alert.

2.  If any problem or situation seems to be preventing you from regularly participating in godly activities, there is a pretty good chance that unclean spiritual forces are behind it.  I am not saying your boss is a devil because he won't give you time off to attend the special activity at church.  But if something in your life is regularly barring you from going to church, reading your Bible, praying, or any of the other spiritual disciplines, then there's a fair chance it is either demon-instigated or the dark ones are taking advantage of it and magnifying its intensity.

3.  If you are struggling over a particular sin in your life and just can't seem to get away from the temptations that lead you to that sinful behavior, then you are probably experiencing spiritual warfare.  The devils hate it when we try to live pure lives before God, and they will certainly redouble their efforts to tempt you if you are trying to get the victory over a bad habit or sin.  For example, if lust is your problem and you decide to be more pure in thought, just get ready -- you will probably be bombarded with situations to fall into lust.  Warning: Though the demons will fight harder in these instances, we sometimes fail to depend completely on the Lord's grace and power when striving for purity.  Often, what we mistake as spiritual attack is our own spiritual weakness.

4.  If  during a certain period of time there seems to be a freaky, almost eerie, spate of troubles, trials, and tribulations -- you know, a "when it rains, it pours" type of thing -- then start looking at your life differently.  You may be experiencing spiritual attack.  I know, I know, we all have times in our lives when one thing after another happens that makes us wonder if God has it in for us.  And sometimes it has nothing to do with demons.  Maybe God is trying to get our attention.  He has been known to do that, you know.  But I am talking about a short time frame when your world just seems to be falling down around your shoulders and you feel yourself reaching the end of your rope.  The truth is, if it is spiritual attack, this may be your preparation for something big.  So it may not be demons at all.  But realize the possibility that evil forces are always at work to try and prevent you from fulfilling God's plan for your life.

5.  Should you have a disagreement, argument, or falling out with another believer and it then suddenly begins to spiral out of control, then you can be pretty darn sure that demonic forces are at work.  They like nothing better than to sever the unity of the body of Christ.  Disagreements and even arguments are not necessarily evil in nature, but failure to handle them properly can bring ungodly results.  Another way to know that spiritual warfare may be happening in a situation such as this is when forgiveness is not offered or, when offered, is spurned.  (I'm still talking about between believers here.)  The Bible gives us very clear guidelines on how to deal with friction between believers.  If these are followed then the risk of dark spiritual intervention is minimized.

6.  Sometimes the church as a group comes under attack, but usually only when that church is a godly one, with godly leaders.  The church that neglects the simple, whole gospel of Jesus Christ rarely comes under spiritual attack.  How can we know if our church is under attack by the forces of darkness?  In my experience it is usually obvious, at least to the more spiritually sensitive members of the congregation.  Instances of spiritual attack on the church have included pastors falling to sexual temptation (a really big problem these days), splits about menial things (the color of the carpet), the introduction of heretical teachings (happens more than you know), or even unusual -- maybe even supernatural -- occurrences within the lives of church members.   Once again, the devil and his foul imps cannot destroy the church of Jesus Christ unless the people, having drifted away from the guidance of the Holy Spirit, allow it.

The spiritual world most definitely exists, and it consists of good and evil camps.  This is clearly taught in God's Word and is supported by historical, orthodox Christian doctrine.  To not believe this is to deny the veracity of Scripture.  A denial of its existence plays right into the hands of the prince of liars and puts the denier directly into the hands of evil forces who will use him or her to fulfill hell's plans.  If you are a believer in the Lord Jesus Christ then you are Satan's enemy.  The good news is that we have already won the war; it's just the intervening battles that we have to endure. 

Ephesians 6:10-13 (ESV)
¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil.
¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.






 

Dodging the Demonic Bullet

In Acts 20:17-38 Paul is on his way back to Jerusalem from one of his missionary trips.  He stops at the port of Miletus and, instead of going to visit nearby Ephesus where he had founded a church, he calls for the elders of the Ephesian church to come to him.  Paul is hard pressed by the Spirit to return to Jerusalem, where he will face many trials.  Strangely enough, he is in a hurry to get there, not because of any twisted martyr complex but because he knows this is God's will for him.  If he had gone to Ephesus he knows that his stay would have been difficult to cut short.

It is interesting not just that Paul summoned the Ephesian elders but what it was he had to say to them.  Part of that farewell message is applicable, I think, to us of The Pointe Church (TPC).  This has to do with his warning to the church and especially its leaders.  It is so significant that I will quote it at length (from the Holman Christian Standard Bible):  Speaking to the elders,

"Be on guard for yourselves and for all the flock [congregation], among whom the Holy Spirit has appointed you as overseers, to shepherd the church of God, which He purchased with His own blood.  I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock.  And men from among yourselves will rise up with deviant doctrines to lure the disciples into following them.  Therefore be on the alert, remembering that night and day for three years I did not stop warning each one of you with tears." (vvs. 28-31)

The reason that I feel a connection between the church at Ephesus and TPC is that both churches voluntarily put spiritual targets on their backs.  What does this mean?  At The Pointe we have recently embarked upon an exciting new strategic ministry plan, which, with God's blessings, will ignite a fire within our people and affect the community such that God's kingdom will grow and He will be greatly glorified.

This is exactly the kind of activity that draws Satan's attention and attacks.

Church, we have put ourselves directly into the line of fire of our adversary, the devil.  Be sure, he is very, very unhappy with us and will not sit idly by while we unleash the power of the Gospel upon Cherokee County.

The purpose of this blog is simply to warn The Pointe Church that the spiritual attacks will surely come.  It is also my purpose to proclaim that Satan need not have any success with his evil efforts.

It has often been stated that 'if the devil ain't after you then you need to be worried.'  The corollary to this is 'if you're going through spiritual warfare then you must be doing something right.'  Put simply, if we are serving and worshiping God in ways that are pleasing to Him, then the devil is going to try and stop us.  One of my professors in seminary said that whenever God builds a church, the devil builds a chapel right next door.  There's much truth in this.

People of TPC, when we decide to be obedient to The Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20), and to minister to 'the least of these' (Matt. 25:31-46), then Satan gets afraid and angry.  You see, he already knows that he's defeated.  Christ accomplished that at the cross.  But he plans to go down fighting, taking as many with him as possible. 

Before I go any further, let me be clear about one thing: Satan cannot cause you to lose your salvation and drag you to hell.  A truly redeemed child of the living God is saved forever and nothing or no one can change that.  Do not listen to those in and out of the church who teach the false doctrine of losing or renouncing one's salvation.  It is a false gospel, from the pit of hell, and has kept many Christians in such spiritual bondage that they are, in effect, miserable and disarmed.  So, when I say that Satan is on the attack against Christ's church collectively and us individually I do not mean that he is trying to take us to hell.  I do mean that he will try to harm the church with any scheme that he can concoct, thereby neutralizing our witness, worship, and service.

In 1 John 4:4 we are taught that "greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."  In other words, by leaning on the power of God (the Holy Spirit) that resides inside of every believer, it is impossible for the devil to overcome us.  Further instruction is given in James 4:7,  ^"Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."  Clearly, God has bound Satan to the extent that he has no power over us that we don't allow to him.

There is a key to these two verses (and every other one in the Bible that teaches about spiritual victory) and that is the concept of dependence.  What I mean is that we do not have the power to overcome demons all by ourselves.  Forget the garbage you see in the movies.  If you try to stand up to the devil and his imps all by yourself, without God, then woe unto you!  These spiritual entities are real and much more powerful than we are.  Dependence in this sense means simply that Christ does the fighting for us while we lean completely upon Him.  Notice it says "he that is in you" and "submit yourselves therefore to God."  One of the worst mistakes you can make in spiritual warfare is taking the second clause of James 4:7 without the first.  For the devil to 'flee from you' you must be resisting him by first submitting to God.  The two actions go together and must not be attempted separately.

Alright, what am I saying here?  Should we be afraid?  Should we reconsider our dedication to pursuing God's will?  As Paul would say, "God forbid!"   "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)  You see church, we have no real reason to fear our obedience to God, for He has given us the power -- the Holy Spirit -- to conquer when faced with spiritual attacks.   Satan can hit us with anything he wants but he cannot overcome us unless we fail to fight with the power of God and try to beat him with our own efforts.  This will require much prayer, Bible study, fasting, and fellowship, but it is possible to defeat the demonic forces that oppose us.  God has promised it; so it must be true.

The warning for TPC is this.  Get ready -- sometime in the next few days or weeks some attack will occur.  Guaranteed.  I can't say how it will develop but the possibilities are endless.  It will probably start small.  Someone's feelings will get hurt maybe.  Or there will be a minor disagreement about some plan or policy.  Whatever form the attack takes you can be assured of this: Satan will exploit it for all it's worth.  Another thing that is pretty certain: church leadership will be the prime targets.  No better way to bring down a church than to cause a pastor to fall.

As Paul told the Ephesian church elders, "Be on guard!"  That's good advice for not just your pastors and other church leaders but for all who call The Pointe Church home.  Let us all continually lean on the Lord, submitting to Him in every way, stay in the Scriptures, love one another solidly, and never give in to the temptations that constantly assault us.  Remember: the devil is a defeated foe; let's keep reminding him of that.