I wrote this back in March of this year not long after the event described. I am just now getting around to posting it to my blog. My prayer is that my experience might provide some measure of comfort to those who have lost loved ones who were believers. Every time I read this I am overwhelmed by the power and goodness of our Lord. Be blessed as well as you read.
MY HEART ATTACK
Four weeks ago tomorrow I had a heart attack. At least I’m pretty sure I did.
I want to get this narrative on record because I
believe it glorifies God in a mighty way.
And isn’t that our purpose – to glorify God in all we do? And to find maximum joy in doing so? Also, I feel that thinking through what
happened a few weeks after the event gives me a bit of a perspective that I
might not have had immediately afterwards.
Anyway, if no one else ever reads this, at least my aim is worthy.
It was about 7:30 a.m. and I had just completed my
daily devotion time with the Lord. True
to my routine I headed up the stairs from my study to get the newspaper. About 5 steps into the kitchen I got hit by a
Mack truck. That’s what it felt like anyway. The pain in the left side of my chest was the
kind that literally takes away your breath and any ability to do anything
else. Instantly an equally intense pain
radiated upward into my shoulder and a little bit into my neck. This also radiated down my left arm to the
elbow. Now I know it’s hard to describe
pain to someone else but this was a tail-kicker, a mind numbing, deadly feeling
pain. The kind that leaves you certain
that something really bad is happening.
Heartburn and muscle spasms don’t feel like this; I know because those
two maladies are no strangers to me.
Surprisingly I did not lose consciousness or fall to
the floor. Grabbing my chest I knew that
sitting down would be a great idea.
After all, falling and busting open my head would probably not be a good
thing to do right now. Before I managed
to inch into a chair though, something incredible happened (and it is right now
that the story gets strange.) In the
course of about 10 or 15 seconds I had an incredible conversation in my head
with Jesus. It went something like this.
“I am dying.”
“Lord, are you taking me home now?”
“If You are, it’s ok.
I’m ready.”
“As a matter of fact, Lord, I kind of hope You are,
because I’ve been wanting to see You for a long time.”
That was it; and that little one sided talk was over
in seconds. But, to this day, I remember
it just as clearly as if I was having those thoughts right now. Now, Jesus didn’t answer me, verbally
anyway. The ‘conversation’ though was
not the really incredible part of the whole experience. This is the hardest part to describe. It was the spiritual and emotional feeling
that overcame me within about 2 seconds of realizing that I was dying.
The best way to describe it is to put these feelings
into biblical terms. In 1 Corinthians
15:55 it is written, “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” Additionally, in 2 Timothy 1:7, Paul wrote,
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and
self-control.” Finally, and perhaps most
pertinent, in Philippians 4:7, “And the peace of God, which surpasses all
understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
You see, in those first few seconds I was convinced
beyond any shadow of a doubt that I was dying; that I was about to meet my
Maker. Incredibly, I felt absolutely no
fear of death. There was, along with
this fearlessness, an indescribable blanket of peace that enveloped me. I don’t believe that I have ever experienced
such a depth of calm and peace. The best
analogy I can think of is that feeling you got when you were a child and Mom or
Dad wrapped their arms around you to comfort you from some upset or hurt. But much, much better than that.
Now comes the part that convinced me that the source
of these experiences was supernatural.
Remember, at this point I was convinced that any second I was going to
step into the next life; there was no doubt in my mind that death was
here. On top of the complete lack of
fear and the peace that passed all understanding, I felt joy. Yes, joy; unbridled, limitless joy. Not the kind that comes on Christmas
morning. Not even the kind that is
common on one’s wedding day or birth of a child. This was a joy that that found its source in
and was focused on one, and only one, thing: Jesus. The excitement of being in the presence of my
Savior – spiritually now, but physically in just a moment, I thought – was
literally indescribable. It was, for
lack of a better word, perfect. And I
guess that is logical, since everything about God is perfect.
Analysis later; for now, let me complete the story.
After this amazing 15 seconds I started to think that
maybe death wasn’t to be immediate.
Thinking this through now it seems pretty stupid what I did next. I had sat down sometime during this whole
thing. Karen was still in bed and I
didn’t want to wake her unless I had a real good reason (!!!). So, I whipped out my smart phone and searched
for heart attack symptoms. (By this time
the pain had receded a bit – enough that I could think about the situation.) Sure enough, on the Mayo Clinic website my
symptoms were pretty closely described.
It said two other things that kind of got me moving: 1) call 911, and 2)
eat an aspirin. Stupid me, it finally
hit me that medical attention might be a good idea. Wait! I’m married to a registered nurse! I’ll go tell Karen what is happening. (Luckily, I had just heard her start to
stir.) It doesn’t take a genius to
figure how she reacted. Calmly and
professionally, she said, “We’re going to the emergency room.”
Now I’ll speed this tale along a bit quicker. We went to Wellstar Kennestone Hospital, they
took me right in, and kept me until Sunday evening. On arrival I was starting to feel pretty
good: pain was just about gone, replaced with some pressure and discomfort, but
I felt all was going to be well.
Throughout the weekend, the fearlessness, peace and joy did not leave
me. If anything, it deepened.
In the hospital, they did every kind of test you can
imagine. I won’t bore my reader with the
details. The end result of every test
was that I did not have a heart attack.
Further, every test indicated a totally normal and healthy heart. I felt so good that I made Karen stop at
Longhorn Steakhouse on the way home.
(Hospital food, you know.)
Discharge orders said that I had to schedule a follow
up with my primary care doctor. I went
to see her two days later. After
studying the hospital records, examining me in detail, and asking a battery of
questions, she, too, offered the same diagnosis as the hospital: no heart
attack, but a perfectly healthy heart.
However, my doctor is a firm believer in Jesus Christ and she had a
caveat to the official scientific analysis.
Before I share that, let me interject something
here. After coming home from the
hospital and before seeing my personal doctor, I called my dear friend Pastor
Carnell Thomas of Faithful Friend Church of Vine City, one of the most
spiritual people I’ve ever known. After
hearing my tale, he offered this bit of diagnosis: “Russ, I believe you were
having a heart attack but God stepped in, stopped it, and healed whatever was
wrong with your heart.” Agreeing that
this sounded like a real possibility, I rested in that.
Now back to my doctor’s office. After her scientific analysis, I mentioned,
almost as an aside, what Carnell had said.
She stopped writing, laid down her pen, looked me straight in the eye
and said, “I believe that might be what happened as well.” Wow!
Ever the scientist, though, she still referred me to a cardiologist for
further discussion. But I don’t mind
telling you that her and I had us a little bit of worship right there in her
examining room.
She referred me to a specific doctor in a heart specialist
right here in town. When I called, he
wasn’t available for weeks, but his partner was, so I scheduled with him. Sitting before him, I toned down the whole
spiritual aspect of the experience just a bit, and explained what
happened. He examined me, doing another
EKG, closely reviewed my hospital records and medical history, and then I told
him of my lack of fear and panic during the ‘attack’ because I felt that God
had it all in hand. He looked me dead in
the eye and proclaimed that he too is a Christian. I then shared the whole spiritual side of the
incident. His final diagnosis was an
echo of the others. No signs of a heart
attack were indicated and my heart appeared to be perfectly healthy and
normal. I pressed him on this, relating
my long history of smoking and other bad habits, high blood pressure and
cholesterol, lack of exercise, carrying around too much weight, etc. And I asked him, “Doc, are you telling me
that, even considering all of that, my heart is perfectly normal?” Unequivocally he indicated in the
affirmative. And then he really blew my
mind, saying, “I believe that you were having a heart attack, God stepped in,
stopped it, and healed your heart.”
Sound familiar? Then he added,
“It may be that God brought you through this experience to strengthen your
faith in preparation for something He has planned for you.” Double wow!!
Now, I’ve been wondering for 4 weeks about this. A hospital full of heart docs and techs, my
personal doctor, and a cardiologist I’ve never met, all say the same thing: my
heart is perfect! And what are the
chances of two doctors in a row being devout fellow believers!? And both of them echoing what a trusted
pastor friend offered as explanation?
Another thing: all were in agreement that it sure sounded like I had had
a heart attack. Classic symptoms; other
causes were ruled out: gastrointestinal problems, heart spasms, chest muscle
spasms, etc. There is no other explanation. As
I left the cardiologist, he said not to bother coming back unless something
else occurred – I do not need a heart doctor.
As of this moment I cannot swear that what happened to
me was in fact a heart attack, though I am pretty certain that it was. What I can attest to, however, is the power
and love of God. Why He may have brought
me through this will probably be unknown to me until I do cross over to glory. But this I do know: in the face of what, at
the moment, felt like certain death, my spirit experienced such an intense
covering of fearlessness, peace, calm, and joy, which cannot be explained in
any other way but supernaturally. Is it
normal to feel this way when facing sure death?
Would joy be a standard and expected feeling when knowing your life was
at its end? How could there possibly be
such an absence of fear when facing the unknown (or so we often describe
it)? I’m not a psychologist but I am a
pretty educated man, not normally given to fits of charismatic excess. After four weeks of analysis, comparing what
my Bible teaches about death, and experiencing a dramatically improved walk
with the Lord in my quiet times and daily life, I can only come to one
conclusion: whether I was actually dying or not, the Lord revealed to me one
dramatic, indelible, and magnificent fact: a
child of the living God has nothing to fear from death.
Since the ‘heart attack’, I have heard similar
stories. I am not the only Christian who
has been touched by God during a ‘dying’ experience. It also struck me that many of the stories of
Christian martyrs relate their seeming immunity to pain during the flames of
the stake, or whatever means of execution they endured. Without exception almost, the martyrs’
stories portray a boldness, peace, and fearlessness that can only be found in
an intimate relationship with the living, loving, perfect God of the universe. Knowing Christ as Savior and Lord, it seems,
does make one a partaker in the biblical declaration, “O death, where is your
victory, O death where is your sting?”
For, on that Saturday morning four weeks ago, I looked death in the face
and saw my Lord. Nothing else in
existence can ever equal that.
